I couldn’t help reflecting this past Mother’s Day on how painful that holiday must be for far too many women. So many of us only share stories of perfection, of wondrous, apparently “perfect” women—and while that is truly wonderful (really!), I firmly believe that we need more than just that dialogue of perfection. So much of the wonder and glory of motherhood is hidden in imperfection; why not celebrate that, too?
I hope that these words can in some small way bring the celebration of motherhood to all those who deserve it, and I hope that they can reach those who need to hear them.
(Published originally via social media; images below)
On Mother’s Day, we often share our most perfect memories. We tell stories of strength, perseverance, wisdom, integrity. And yet, there are some of those very mothers who feel unworthy of such praise. Some note painfully that they have no biological children, while others reflect in anguish on past mistakes both small and large. Some perhaps feel that no one has remembered them at all; that their life has had no measurable impact on those around them.
Mother’s Day is not solely a celebration of perfect, literal mothers: it is a celebration of love, effort, sacrifice, teaching, struggle, and devotion. It is a celebration of failure just as much as it is a celebration of strength; a day that pays homage to mistakes just as much as to successes. It is a day on which we recognize the weight that you carry on your shoulders, the expectations through which you wade each day, the frustration you feel at your own shortcomings, and we want to tell you: thank you.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the imperfect mothers. To the exhausted, to you who feel every day that you’re not enough,—because you are enough and you are strong and where you see weakness, we see strength and determination and love.
Happy Mother’s Day to the addicted, to the abandoned or abandoners, to the so-called failures—you have given as much as you could, and we are grateful for that.
Happy Mother’s Day to the childless: to the women who never bore their own children but have loved us like their own; who’ve guided us and raised us just as much as any mother of blood relation.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the aunts, leaders, neighbors, friends, and coworkers who have mothered each of us, whether or not they had children of their own.
So thank you to all of our mothers. Thank you to our perfectly imperfect biological mothers, our adopted mothers, and the friends who’ve mothered us with their love. You have taught us and comforted us and cried and grown and cheered with us in our darkest and our happiest times, and we would not be who we are today without you.
ES 